Two for... WHAT?????

Whilst perusing the local pubs this evening I have come across a worrying trend. I fear this may have been going on for a while and it's only just now that I've spotted it.

Relatively recently you could go into many a public house and see the offer of 2 meals for five pounds. Fantastic, you'd think - I can go there for a lunch, take my best girl by my side and sing... sorry, eat a couple of decent dinners and not have to worry about receiving piddly change from a fiver.

Those were the days.

Today, it seems that these are not the days any more. I ate in an establishment that offered two meals for Six Pounds, Seventy Five Pence. Now imagine how this works. You take your best girl out for a posh dinner. You eat and then attempt to split the bill. But... You can't! Two into Six Seventy Five doesn't go! Not since they abolished the half pence anyway.

You are forced into one of two situations:

1) You either have to patronise the girl by paying a whole penny more than her, leading to the situation where she thinks you are showing off by flashing your extra pence. Or;

2) You risk total embarassment by admitting that you are a complete pauper and you need to rely on her generosity to pay three pounds and thirty eight pence whilst you pay only three pounds thirty seven. The shame!

I can think of NO other way that this situation could resolve itself. The next place was just as bad, offering two meals for Four Pounds Ninety Nine. Or possibly Five Pounds Ninety Nine. I forget, but the poundage is not important. Don't these crap-wad Inn owners understand the importance of going Dutch in an accurate manner? In this world we live in, this dark, unrepentant shadow of a world, we need something to clutch to. Two meals for a fiver was it! We can split it nicely, we're happy! No fiddling with copper coins, no embarassing penny-lack moments.

Now eating out is mot the same. I may have to stay in and eat Pot Noodle for every meal I ever have for the rest of my life life life.