A tale of two some kumquats

The following post was typed at two separate times:

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When I went down to Ealing for the Wedding last week, I allowed myself plenty of contingency time. I didn't want to miss the ceremony, that would have been very bad form. As it turned out, since the ceremony was an hour and a half long, I could have easily missed some of it and not really missed much at all if you catch my drift.

The Wedding was at three pm. Despite having a miniature hangover from Friday night, I managed to get up on Saturday morning, pack, dress and leave York early enough so that I was in Ealing at around one pm with two whole hours to go. Nice - what could possibly go wrong?

I was supposed to be meeting up with a friend from Uni who was also going to the wedding, but since he did not share my organisational excellence, and is also a lazy bas***d, he had slept in and was running late. I found a nearby bar and ordered lunch and a pint of German lager whilst I waited. I had nothing to read unfortunately, so I just had to sit around and wait. Which I didn't mind. I was happy to just sit and watch the world go by.

After an hour, I'd eaten and drank. I had also spoken to lazy bas***d on the phone, and he assured me that he was on his way and would be with me shortly. Have another pint, he said. This I was happy to oblige. I also then realised that I did have something to read after all - a copy of this week's New Scientist. So I ordered another pint, read magazine and hoped LB would turn up soon so that I could go to the toilet (had a load of stuff with me which I didn't want to take to the loo, but didn't want to leave lying unattended in the pub earlier).

At a quarter to three, I decided I couldn't really wait any longer, so I went to the loo (with all my stuff), left and called LB to tell him I'd meet him at the wedding. Unfortunately, not knowing Ealing at all, and only having a very dodgy map,

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... Balls. The map I had was not good. I attempted to use it to send me towards the church. But all that happened was I ended up lost. I phoned LB, and asked a random walking person where Ealing Abbey was. The daft bitch had no idea. What is the sodding point of having members of the public walking around this land if they can't give you fucki*g directions???

By this point, it was raining.

Anyway, after more phone conversations to LB, who had finally manged to turn up in the right city, I ended up in the right direction. But only after a big running session. When we arrived in the church, you could have wringed the sweat off me and served it as communion wine.

But, it was a long service which allowed me to dry off.

So despite arriving with two whole stupid hours to spare, the fact that I had friends caused no end of trouble. Fucki*g losers.

The best laid plans and all that shit...

I'm pretty sure that when I started typing this, earlier in the afternoon, I had much more fun anger to get out.

Seem to have misplaced it now. Sorry.

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