Today I begun my tourist odyssey around York. My first destination was a place which I have never before visited. It was also a place that now I have visited it, I will get cheaper entry into some other places that I might visit. Can you guess where it is yet?
Today I went to York Library. And I joined it too! I haven't been in a library for many many years. I don't think I ever visited the one in Norwich when I lived there so it must be some seven or eight years since I was last in one. It was much as I remembered it. Not that I've ever been in this particular one before, but it pushed all the right library buttons in my head. Libraries seem to have a certain libraryness to them, and I think that should I be plucked up by aliens and then deposited in an unknown locale, I would instantly be able to determine if I was in a library or not. It's a talent I have.
There was no way that the little old lady on the front desk could have been anything other than a librarian. She had those special librarian glasses that have chains coming from the arms and going back around her neck. Librarians must be very prone to losing their glasses, because they all seem to have the little chains. I wasn't really sure how to go about joining the library. I had imagined I might have a conversation like:
Me: Hello Miss. I'd like to join your fine library please.
Lady: Shhhh!
Me: Sorry. Can I join the library please
Lady: Why? Can't you afford to buy books? Are you a PAUPER?
Me: Yes, er no, look I just want to get a library card please.
Lady: Have you WASHED your hands boy? We don't lend books to people with jam on their hands.
Me: I've washed my hands. Look. They're clean. No jam.
Lady: Good... Have you used a library before?
Me: Yes, but not for several years.
Lady: You weren't banned for HEAVY PETTING in the stacks, were you?
Me: No! Of course not.
Lady: That's.... gooooood. I'll need a three hundred pound cash deposit and then you can have your card.
Me: Fantastic!
Lady: Shhhh!
The reality was not quite like that. But I got my card and the old lady explained how things worked to me and used some words that old ladies don't normally use, like "online" and "PIN" and "DVD". It's not like it was when I was a whippersnapper. And being able to renew books online now... that's just wrong.
I ended up having a bit of a look around and even "borrowed" a couple of books. It felt bizarre, but I did it anyway. It seems wrong too that they let you do this for free. But this means that one day I will have to go back to return the books, and then I'll be tempted to borrow more for free and then I'll have been drawn into a addictive cycle of borrowing and returning books. It can only end badly, I fear.
I'm going to be rating York's Fine Tourist Attractions in a consistent manner:
York Central Public Library
Time spent in attraction: 16 minutes
Does it have a bar? No
Fun: 4/10
Suitable for a rainy day? Yes
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1 comment:
Hah! You're right! I used to walk past that every day. Had completely forgotten about it. It was the temporary one on Ber St, due to the old one having burnt down or exploded or something.
I never went in it though.
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