The origins of Ice Wine

Holi-day 2 and the reclaimed-from-the-sea Netherlands are left behind. Time to hit Germany. Land of big beer, leather trousers, mullets, cuckoo clocks and of of course, more beer. And also wine apparently. And what better way to experience this than by heading on down into a darkened cellar for a wine tasting. Here's something of a group photo, though you can't really see those people at the back, due to darkness:




The wines were all white on the night and got progressively sweeter. With me and white wine, the drier the better, so as far as I was concerned, the best came first. But wine is wine is wine, so I was happy to drink it anyway.

Last up is Eiswein - a strange brew made with grapes picked during a cold frost (-10 degrees - must be a really fun time to be out picking grapes!). I really can only imagine what the mad Germans must have been thinking when they made it for the first time in the 18th century:

[SCENE: A wooden shack in Germany. Two manly Germans, Hans and Rolf are sat at a table in wooden chairs. Outside it is very cold.]

Rolf: Hey, Hans - you wanna go outside in this incredibly cold frosty night and pick some grapes?
Hans: Nein, f**k off! That's ridiculous, our manly parts will freeze and snap off like icicles!
Rolf: Oh, come on, it's not that bad. Look - Boris and Rudolf are out there already!
Hans: Boris and Rudolf are a pair of mentally deficient cheesemongers, and built like stone out-houses to boot. They won't feel the cold, and even if they did they are too stupid to realise it's bad for them.
Rolf: Well, sod you then. I'm going anyway, and I expect I'll get lucky and stumble upon a special way to make wine that will make me rich beyond your wildest dreams!
Hans: That's your perogative, but don't expect me to come to your aid when your whole body freezes solid and your manly part snaps off like an icicle.
Rolf: Don't worry about me. Farewell loser!
Hans: Get out of my sight. I look forward to a night of passion here in the shack with Maria the milkmaid.

[Exit Rolf. Hans stays in, but Maria never turns up. She has put on some woolies and gone out to help help Rolf pick frosted grapes. Rolf's manly part does not in fact freeze and snap off like an icicle. They make beautiful Eiswein together, fall in love, marry and live HEA. Hans dies a (unlike the Eiswein) bitter, lonely old man]

I think that's probably how it must've happened. In any case, I didn't like the stuff much. Far too sweet, tasted a bit like mead.