Dear Lint01
Hello, you don't currently know me, but please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jock MacDonald and I am a senior actuary in a large Scottish mutual insurance company. I'm hoping that you will find it in yourself to be able to help me out and at the same time bring some good fortune to yourself. We can all use a bit of luck from time to time.
My company has a large with-profits fund with a free estate worth nearly two billion pounds. This estate can not be said to be owned wholly by our policyholders, and we have no shareholders to give it to. The Board have therefore decided to attempt to pass as much as the estate as we can to charitable organisations, based both here in Scotland and also around the world, such as in your beautiful country, England. We'd like to help sufferers of disease, poor children, cute animals and also children and animals who suffer from disease. I trust you will see that this is truly a worthy thing we are trying to achieve.
In an ideal unregulated world, I would just transfer this money to the charities myself. However, the UK Financial Services Authority will not allow this as I am classed as a connected person. I need someone who is not employed by my company to help. There is a totally legal way for you to help me in this task. All you need to do is invest £5000 in a with-profit bond with us, and then surrender it after six months. We will calculate the surrender value as 100 million British Pounds. This may sound high, but it is completely legal and the only way for us to distribute the money to the worthy charities who can use it so well. All I would then ask you to do is give 99% of this money to the charities, and you may keep the remaining one million British Pounds as a reward for your kindness and generosity.
I would have asked my family and friends to help me in this way, but in the past they have said they'd help and then just kept all the money and given none of it away to the charity. Therefore I am hoping that you, a stranger to me, will prove more trustworthy than my own kin.
If after reading this you can find it in your heart to help me out, please reply to this email at the address jockmacdonald@BigScottishInsurance.com and I will be in touch to send you an application form for the with-profit bond. Then after you send me the meagre £5000, I will put in place the necessary arrangements and in a short while the lives of thousands of people will be improved beyond measure.
I thank you for listening to me, and hope we will be in touch soon to further this matter.
Yours with hope,
Jock MacDonald
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2 comments:
It's jockmacdonald@BigScottishInsurance.com. I don't expect the capitals are needed.
Now, where can I find a spare five grand from...
In the interests of clarity, I will just point out the following:
I know that this is not a real offer. It is not even a real email. It's just what I imagined an actuarial 419 letter might look like if such a thing existed. Which to the best of my knowledge, it doesn't.
And you probably know all that anyway.
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