I have a credit card already, I don't need another one. I get tired of junk mail asking me if I would like another one. I don't. If I did, I'd go out and get one myself. An application arrived from CapitalOne today ("What's in your wallet?" - Mind your own f**king business!) and annoyed me before I even opened it. In fact it annoyed me so much, I didn't open it.
Annoyance 1: On the envelope it says "Dated Documents Enclosed". Well, that's a fat lot of use isn't it! Give me modern documents, new documents, brilliantly original documents. If I wanted dated documents I'd go down my local doc archive and spend a pleasant afternoon amongst the racks and files.
Annoyance 2: On the envelope it says: "Do not bend, fold, tear, or mutilate.". Well, who is that supposed to be an instruction for? Me? How on Lucifer's fat rump am I supposed to get the contents out without tearing the envelope? Am I supposed to just sit and let the envelope rot away? Use a Star Trek transporter to get the dated documents out? And mutilate??? Since when have we had to warn people to not mutilate their post???? Ok, I know there are aliens out there who go in for a spot of cattle mutilation from time to time, but to my knowledge, mental hospitals are not overflowing with people who can't stop mutilating their mail.
Or is the message aimed not at me, but perhaps at my postman? The nerve! How dare they accuse my lovely postman of being the sort to BEND AND MUTILATE MAIL. They wouldn't employ him if he did. Mail mangling is a sackable offence in the postal service. I'm surprised that upon seeing the implicit accusation boldly printed on the envelope that Mr Mail didn't take the credit card application and ***Sorry, but World of Lint has been censored here by the good taste police. Have a nice day*** until Thursday!!!
So I did the one thing, the only thing I could do. I bent the mail, I folded it in two, I tore it in half and then ran a tap over it to make it all wet. I then chewed a small part, but it tasted unpleasant so I put the whole sodden lot in the bin.
Stupid card wasn't even gold.
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4 comments:
I got some personally addressed, stamped and sealed in a normal envelope type post today! I was most excited until I opened it and found that all it contained was a suggestion that I could save £98 on my car insurance by switching to Lloyds TSB.
This would take some doing, as my current car insurance premiums are exactly £0, as I don't have a car.
I'm touched that they seem to have employed somebody to lick and affix a stamp to an envelope and seal it up etc just to inform me of this. I feel sorry for said person though, because while stamps taste interesting and not totally unpleasant (just mildly unpleasant) for the first stamp or two, you feel downright ill after a dosen.
brilliant :)
Barclays keep sending me information enticing me to take out a loan. Apparently, I can have £20,400 for only £920 per month. They know how much money goes into my bank account and they know how much goes out to pay for the mortgage. What makes them honestly believe that I can afford £920 a month?? I would have to live on bread and water to be able to pay that back. If the price of bread shot up, I'd be done for!
It gets me that they don't even send you decent offers either!
I'm still getting junk mail from the previous owners of my flat. In the past week I have received :
- An application form for next year's London Marathon.
- A sample of PainGone, a revolutionary new way to treat sports injuries.
- A personal invitation to join the Old Kensington Gentleman's Club, an exclusive club that would give me the right to save money on hotels, restaurants, tailors and a multitude of other services up and down the land.
- Several credit card application forms like the one Lint mentions.
- A voucher for 15p off a bag of the "New Season" Kettle Chips (Sweet Chilli and Japanese Teriyaki now available in shops everywhere!)
- (This one for me) A discount on the new Adidas trainers which I could own for just #95.
I resent being advertised at continually. This may become the subject of one of my own posts in the near future.
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