I went there on Saturday. It was the last meeting of the year, and indeed of the ever in Ascot's current incarnation. For soon, they are going to drive a great yellow bulldozer through it to make way for a bypass... um sorry, I've gone hitchhiker again. Smack me if I do it again. But they are going to rebuild the whole thing. Whilst they are doing this the course will be closed for a year or so. It was therefore a "historic weekend of racing".
The biggest meeting of the year at Ascot is Royal Ascot which the queen goes to and where everyone wears really big hats. Or the ladies do at least. Due to the demolition of the stands and rerouting of the course, Royal Ascot is being held in my hometown of York in 2005. Which means that the city will get shed busy. I could rent out my flat to some people for the week for several thousand pounds. But they'd no doubt turn out to be drunkards who'd trash the place. Or worse!
As we entered the race course, a woman from train company GNER accosted us and made us enter a prize draw - we'd made the mistake of standing still for thirty seconds. I wouldn't mind this but the prize was a return trip on the train from wherever you lived in the country to... York. Wooh hooh! I'd be able to get on the train through one door, walk to the next carriage and get off again! Fabulous. I entered the competition anyway, because she gave us all a free pen that was shaped slightly like a train.
My betting did not go too well so I shan't dwell on that. It was hard to feel too down though, because what Ascot did have was FREE DODGEMS! How cool? I had to have a go, and it was loads of fun. I could have stayed on for hours, but that would have been unfair on my friends who were deprived of my company whilst I was driving. I wish York Races had free dodgems. Hell, I wish my office had free dodgems. I wouldn't need any encouragement to go in early then.
It also had two other advantages over York. There were escalators in the stands. And they let you take beer into the main trackside betting area. It had one major disadvantage over York though, apart from being several hundred miles away: The horses go the wrong way! They race Clockwise, which is just plain wrong. It's complete insanity. They should at least put a warning on the race-cards or something. "WARNING: You may become mildly annoyed by the unusual direction in which the horses here will run.". Like they do on cigarette packets.
I'll end with another in the possibly completely new series of "Things which in retrospect it's best not to say out loud so that everyone nearby can hear you". We has wandered over to the paddock before the last race to watch the horseys walk round in circles. Initially they were riderless. But at some point I didn't quite notice, they all suddenly had jockeys on them. I said "Ooooooh! They've got little men on them now!". Some people turned round and gave me a look. But they are really little tiny men! Like pixie men! On horses instead of mushrooms.
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Tickets go on sale next week. I'll probably be in contact soon.
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