Askham-Richard (v)

We all worry too much. But how often do you worry that there aren't enough names for all the different types of worry we experience on a day to day basis?

Example. Today I went downstairs to the vending machine. I was at work. I can't go downstairs at home as I live on the ground floor and even if I lived on the next floor up there wouldn't be a vending machine downstairs because that would be on the floor I actually live on and there isn't one there.

So anyway, I inserted 50p into the slot to buy a Snickers bar. The little metal coil started to turn and I started to worry that the chocolate would not fall, that it would end up stuck on the shelf, or maybe wedged between the shelf and the glass. I didn't want this to happen. If if did happen, I'd either have to expend physical effort to nudge the machine, or buy the next chocolate bar too in the hope of dislodging the first. A risky enterprise, and I only really wanted one bar. Not two bars. It strikes me this must be nearly the opposite worry you have when you are trying to use your phone in a low reception area and you worry you may not have enough bars to indicate a passable call may be made.

Anyway, the coil spun and after an interminably long moment, the chocolate fell safely to the base receptacle. The moment of worry passed. I retrieved the chocolate, returned to my desk and ate it all up.

But the fleeting worry, the "arrggh I'm very mildly concerned that my vended item may not reach me" thought, it doesn't have a name that I'm a aware of. It needs a name: now that I'm aware of it, it feels like not having a name for "clouds", "cannibalism" or "hippocampus". So in the tradition of "The Meaning of Liff" and "The Deeper Meaning of Liff", I hereby name it after an English Village. I choose Askham-Richard, a small village just outside York.

So next time you're at the checkout and you hear the beep.... no that's not right, try again. So next time you're at the vending machine and you experience weak fear of non-droppage, what you are actually feeling is Askham-Richard. I hope this helps you all.