Quotes. But not real ones. Possibly.

Here are some quotes that I made up:

"As an Englishman, it's my birthright to be miserable. Our misery is like a badge - it's how we identify each other at parties. That, and the inability to stand."
- Winston Churchill

"I am sick to death of those f**king reindeer. Elves! Make me reindeer pie, now!"
- Santa Claus

"I once walked along the Seine and saw a man painting. I said 'Young man - what are you painting?'. He said 'I paint the death of socialism in France'. To me, it looked like a mass of colours and shapes with no real form, but to him it was more than that - it was a foreshadow, a prophecy. He was totally wrong, of course."
- Roger Moore

"I hope one day that I'll be able to leave this job with my head held high. In someone else's hands, with blood running from my severed neck."
- King Charles I

"Right, the next leper comes near me is going to get a right kicking."
- Mother Teresa