I've got 99 problems but Jay-Z ain't one

So called "rapper" Jay-Z recently claimed that he had "99 problems, but the bitch ain't one". I say stop moaning man! You're not the only one with problems. I have problems too! Here are mine:

1. A lack of time to read all the books I want to read.
2. At work I have a chocolate champagne bottle that says "Thank You Pete" on it.
3. I'm not called Pete.
4. I never got round to buying any calendars for my walls this year.
5. I don't have a choice of supermarkets.
6. I have far too many different battery chargers.
7. I currently have no staff at work and so have to do everything myself.
8. The comments on my blog keep breaking. Might have to change provider...
9. Many of my socks have holes in them.
10. I normally have to go to work every day.
11. I have no super powers. Not good ones anyway.
12. I'm not as effective when I have a hangover.
13. I get hangovers.
14. I have a permanent feeling that I own some cracking albums that I've forgotten exist.
15. A lack of time to watch all the films I want to watch.
16. There is no Easter Bunny.
17. I need to find someplace to put my scarf for the summer.
18. And my hat and gloves too. Maybe the same place?
19. I have too many kinds of tea.
20. 65p for a cup of peppermint tea at work!!! ie a teabag and some hot water.
21. I'll never be 21 again.
22. Sometimes I feel it would be nice if I still drank coffee.
23. I'll never be 23 again either.
24. There is no bed in my second bedroom.
25. There is no third bedroom.
26. I missed out on all the Grand National sweepstakes this year.
27. It's my birthday soon.
28. I still can't play the last line of the theme to "Last of the Summer Wine" on the harmonica.
29. The theme to "Last of the Summer Wine" is the only thing I can play on the harmonica.
30. I've never managed to get my cuddly Pinky and The Brain to stand up.
40. I often find it hard to spell "Forty" when I write cheques. I keep putting a "u" in it.
41. I need to buy a computer desk for a computer I barely use any more.
42. Other people like milk.
43. I have no light-shades.
44. I don't feel bad about having no light-shades.
45. I really think Star Wars Ep 3 is going to disappoint me.
46. I have completely run out of beer.
47. A lack of time to listen to all the music I want to listen to.
48. I'm tired.
49. Buffy finished.
50. NASA still haven't contacted about the space program.
51. Douglas Adams died a while back. I liked him :-(
52. Songwriter's block.
53. I was supposed to get a free box of chocolates from Sainsbury's. But they had run out.
54. I'm never going to meet Katie Holmes.
55. Or Sarah Michelle Gellar.
56. I'd have no idea what to say to them if I did.
57. I'm also worried that the new series of "Dr Who" is really going to disappoint.
58. Many of my friends have exams soon and so won't want to go out as much.
59. On Sunday I have to be ready to go out walking at 8am!
60. Sooner or later everybody does something to hurt you.
61. At the moment I have a very mild stomach-ache.
62. Loneliness.
63. This is really not the best use of my time.
64. One of my friends still smokes. Smelly.
65. Lincolnshire.
66. I need 2 bulbs for my kitchen. Both will cost £4.
67. I also need a bulb to go above the oven.
68. Your lucky charms will always let you down.
69. I should be so lucky.
70. Guinness sent me a recipe for Guinness Cake this morning. That's just wrong.
71. It's still ages until the Keane album is released. I want it now!
72. I bought two new shirts at the weekend. They both need ironing.
73. There are never 3 books I want in any given 3 for 2 offer.
74. I have to pay tax on the money I make marking exams.
75. My dreams have suddenly gone very vivid and very odd recently.
76. Vernon Kaye.
77. I wish I could be bothered to cook for myself more regularly.
78. No, sod that. I wish I had someone else to cook for me more regularly.
79. I have no car.
80. My friend has a beard.
81. I have also completely run out vodka and gin.
82. Earlier today I got the cord of my blinds tangled in my guitar heads. I'll have to tune it now.
83. Microsoft's paperclip.
84. Microsoft.
85. Nobody wants to go and see Jonathan Richman with me on Friday...
86. Or The Ordinary Boys in a couple of weeks :-(
87. Angel was cancelled.
88. A lack of time to play all the computer games I want to play.
89. I keep losing pens.
90. Last night I watched and enjoyed a TV show about selling houses.
91. I don't know where the ducks in my car park come from.
92. Sara Cox.
93. Mogwai (the animal not the band) aren't real.
94. I need to clean the shelves in my oven.
95. Although I have a lightsaber, there is nobody nearby I can duel with.
96. At some point in the next few days I need to fold some sheets.
97. I need to charge my phone.
98. This is really really not a good use of my time.
99. I see only problems, not solutions.
100. I can only think of 99 problems.

See Jay-Z - I have more problems than you! And the bitch ain't one of mine either!