The Name of the Pope

The Pope conclave began today so that in a short while there will be a new pope. One of the first tasks that the new pope will have to do is to choose a new name for himself. Pope John-Paul II's real name was Carol Wojtyla, but he didn't stick with it because a) nobody could pronounce the surname and b) people might have thought he was a girl and it would have been unacceptable for people to mistakenly think that a girl had any power in the Catholic church. Clearly it was much more sensible to name himself after the talented half of The Beatles. If he'd been elected a few years later, maybe we'd have had a Pope Morten-Mags-Pal I.

I'm not sure what process is used to actually choose the name so I went down to my local bookmakers (repository of all knowledge!) at lunchtime to see what odds they were offering on various different names. Here's the list they had pinned up on the wall:

150-1 Pope Tart
125-1 Pope Goesthe-Weasel
125-1 Pope Upandseeme-Makemesmile
80-1 Pope Music
50-1 Pope Isdead
50-1 Pope Tastic
20-1 Pope Eyethesailor
15-1 Pope Myride
10-1 Popette
5-1 Pope Daddy
2-1 Pope Lint

Yes, the name taking most of the money is Pope Lint, which was a very pleasant surprise indeed! I put a fiver on it so now I'm eagerly waiting the black puffs of smoke.

If the pope (whoever he may be) does go with Pope Lint, then I will return the compliment and change my name to whatever the pope's old name was, even if it's something stupid like Carol, Bungle or JjJjJjJ. That way the total number of each name in use in the world will be conserved.