Funniest joke I heard at the weekend:
Q: What's pink, red and silver and bumps into things a lot?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.
I think I'd find that funny even if I had a baby. Possibly not if it had forks in its eyes, but since in my limited experience babies don't have forks in their eyes then that's not likely to ever be a problem.
I think if you do actually come across such a baby then the best thing to do is run away really fast and deny all knowledge of the incident and the forks. For God's sake don't touch the forks - you're likely to hurt the baby and you'll also get incriminating fingerprints all over it. Leave helping the baby to the experts. If you leave your sticky fingerprints on it then the police will find you. And then arrest you and take away all your fun things. Then your girlfriend will leave you and tell the press how bad you are/were. Then you'll get some leprosy from being in a rotten prison and you won't be happy. So just run away.
I truly hope that there isn't a story in the papers tomorrow about a baby with such an injury becuase this post could start to look quite suspicious (and possibly also bad taste).
So if you are an evil person with forks and a baby, please leave it a few days before combining the two. I don't want to get in trouble.
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