The funny thing with pizza is that it's normally round and has no particular orientation. You can put a pizza on someone's plate and they're not going to say "Hey! My pizza's at a jizzy angle! I need to turn it... like so! That's better." as they rotate it 18 degrees to the left. This is true no matter what topping goes on it. Pepperoni, olives, spicy chicken, oregano, asparagus, elephant or all of the above. It just doesn't matter how it's placed. An uncut fresh pizza does not have any preference for a particular direction.
But. As soon as you start to cut it into slices... something changes. The first cut is the major one. As soon as you've made it, then **bang** the pizza now has direction. It has orientation. It has motivation. It's now a pizza that wants to lie in a particular direction. It wants the cut to start as close to you as possible and end up on the far side of the plate. It then demands a second cut at right angles to the first, to form four even pieces. And then you're done, past the cut of no return.
Your pizza is quartered and from now on it can only be positioned in certain ways. It has been defined with four fixed quadrants. Top left, top right, bottom left and bottom right. These four sections have to remain in their positions, else the pizza would be utterly misaligned.
Furthemore, not only can the pizza now only be positioned in certain ways, the pieces have to be eaten in a certain order. The order is:
1. Top right
2. Bottom right
3. Top left
4. Bottom left
and if you don't eat them in this order... well, I don't know what would happen. It's almost an absurd concept, like wondering what would happen if the hours of the day came in a different order, or how would Beethoven's 5th sound if the notes were in a different order? Ridiculous, stupid concepts.
Once the pizza has been cut, then the future is mapped out and no mere mortal such as myself is able to change it. Top right, bottom right, top left, bottom left. That's how the pizza has to be eaten.
Top right, bottom right, top left, bottom left. As each piece is eaten the next one is waiting. And each piece knows its place. Each piece knows when you're coming for it. And each piece is ready for what must come next. Woe betide anyone who uses a different order. I'm honestly not sure what would occur but I figures it would have to be bad. Possibly very bad. I'd never try it. At least not without supervision and controlled conditions.
On a related topic, I once read about a man who tried to cut a pizza into five (what?!!! five???) pieces. Poor sod never recovered. Quite, quite tragic.
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[disclaimer: the words above apply only to pizzas cooked in one's own oven, where the pizza has a diameter of ten inches or less. take-away and delivery pizzas are exempt from all possible orientations and orderings. terms and conditions apply. your pizza is at risk if you do not keep up your repayments.]
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