Three for two (and two for tea)

I tried to buy a Christmas present today. I was in town early (for a Sunday) and so the shops were quiet. If I'd maybe give more thought aforehand I might have had a really productive session. What actually happened was that I wanted to buy a book. It's a very easy book to buy, all the bookshops have it. It should have been very incredibly easy for me to walk into a bookshop and buy it.

In fact, I'm sure that Waterstones, Borders or even WH Smiths would happily have sold the book to me had I managed to move it from a shelf to a counter. I'd have given the kind person behind the counter some money, I'd have taken the book home. Capitalism would have worked its wheels once more.

None of this happened, because I got hung up and stressed over a 3 for 2 offer. This book was in such an offer in one of the shops only - let's for the sake of argument, call it Waterstones. This was bad because it meant that the book was technically cheaper there and straight away I'd be mad to buy it elsewhere. That would be like giving money away for no reason.

So my choice of purchase-shop was made. All I had to do was buy the book. But now I was stuck in a three for two and to save money I would have to find at least one more book I wanted. Two would be good, but I could make this work with one.

Could I find any other books though? Of course I sodding couldn't. They had hundreds of books in their offer but any that were remotely good I already had. I could have found other books elsewhere in the store but they would have been no use.

So I had a dilemma. I could either buy the book at full price, knowing that I was being messed with and ripped off, with my mental health suffering accordingly, or I could not buy it. Option two won out. I left the shop empty handed.

So, Mr Tim Waterstone (or whoever owns the chain now. Sorry, Tim, if it's not you) here's what trouble you've caused today with your love of multi-buy offers.

1. I nearly lost a proportion of my mentalness, and I don't have much of that to spare.
2. One of my FriendsOrFamily is incrementally less likely to receive a present this Christmas that they might have liked slightly. Can you live with that?
3. You lost an easy sale that you could have had.
4. Not only that, all your competitors lost a sale too because I was sulking.
5. Imagine the effect that this will have upon the English economy. Can you live with that? All that extra unemployment and crime and illicit backyard sex?
6. I may now lose an extra part of one of my lunchtimes in the week, whilst I attempt to resolve this issue. This will reduce my overall productivity and that of my employer and hence that of England too. This might lead to more illicit backyard sex (maybe).
7. Can you, really, CAN YOU LIVE WITH THAT MR W (or whoever the appropriate person to address is now, as discussed above)?

Waterstones? Wankerstones more like. I'd bouycot them but I always have trouble spelling the word.