Balconies are possibly one of the most dangerous places you will ever visit. This is not just an arbitrary statement. Or at least it's no less arbitrary than any statement ever made. But they're dangerous. I'm going to leave aside the possibility that you might just fall off one, unprompted, like a complete doofus. The sorts of people who do that could injure themselves with any item in any place (subject (possibly) to being near that item and in that place). But there are several more specific balcony risks that years of television and film watching have brought to my intention.
The first thing about balconies is that they are really bad places to get shot. If you are shot on a balcony you have no option than to tip yourself over it (slow motion is best here if possible). The actual bullet wound itself probably wouldn't have been fatal. Compounded with a thirty foot fall, the position is much worse. Being shot in the arm is not normally that big a deal, but then after doing the big fall and landing direct on your head... the arm is the least of your worries. You wouldn't even have any worries because you'd be dead.
There is another side to the problem of being shot on balconies, and that's the frequency of these events. I estimate that more than 50 per cent of people on balconies end up being shot (and then falling off it). That's a higher percentage than those who are shot in New York, or even in most wars. It's like people on balconies emit some kind of pheromone that gunmen favour. I can't offer a good explanation for this, all I can offer is a warning: If you go to a balcony you're likely to be shot.
Being shot is not the only danger. Lots of terrorists hide in balconies. Also there was that Phantom of the Opera guy who had his own little balcony in the Opera House - you didn't go in there if you valued your safety.
Then there's lovely Juliet. She was famously on a balcony and look how that turned out for her.
So I rest my case. Balconies are very dangerous places and should be avoided whenever possible. I'm just glad I live on the ground floor and don't have to worry about such things on a regular basis.
Submarines are quite dangerous places too.
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Being the kind of person who could 'injure themselves anytime, anyplace', and often does, with alarming frequency, I will heed your balcony warning, and possibly avoid submarines too, to be on the safe side.
Oooh! Ooooh! Caves! They're bad too. Watch out for caves!
But isn't living on the ground floor a bit precarious as well, what with all these people falling about? One's likely to fall right on top of you!
The main danger is the risk of tripping over hundreds of dead rotting bodies every time I go outside! Someone should clean them away...
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