He that would be a leader must be a bridge

I think one of the hardest things about learning to dance is learning to lead, or if you're a girl, to be led. Beginners tend to learn little routines where both parties know what is coming next. The boy knows he's about to turn the girl, the girl knows she's about to be turned. Both people start to do the next move without any signals having to be passed from one person to another. Rather than him giving a small push to indicate movement, she is already moving as the push comes.

Somehow you have to move away from this. The boy has to move to a point where he can make small but firm motions which indicate which way to move, which direction to turn, when to stop and when to continue. The girl needs to learn to feel for these and use them to work out what's coming next. Perhaps the boy has the advantage in that he should always know what is coming next. Or perhaps the girl has it easier if she can just relax and be led around the floor without thinking, as movements become automatic, subconscious.

I'm not sure how you get to this point other than through practising. Often I find that by concentrating on where to move my feet I can forget what I'm supposed to be doing with the rest of my body, not signalling my intentions as strongly as I might. I move but don't lead. She moves but is not led. Sometimes though it seems to work better than that.

Perhaps all it needs is time and practice.