I've just got back from a nightclub. It was total shit. And I'm not in a good mood, so this post may contain swearing and insults to everyone I was with. I really don't give a clown shoe fuck.
Reasons why I hate shitty Nightclubs:
1. You can't hear the people you'd like to speak to.
2. You can only hear the people you'd happily lock in a metal box and dump into Mt Vesuvius.
3. Every single person who enters the place is a retarded, low down piece of excrement, stupid sodding loser, what the fuck are you doing there? get a sodding clue, look at you, do you call those clothes you sadwit arse nose? And yes, that does include me.
4. And for the hell of it, that includes my friends.
5. Now onto the music. I have seriously been to funerals where I've enjoyed the music more than the utter beatshitsense they played tonight. At least you can sway to a good dirge.
6. For God's sake, take a step back and look at you.
7. I didn't go to the toilet, but if I did I expect it would have been Glastonbury standard.
8. The last time I was that bored was whilst invigilating at an exam. Seriously, I could have slept on my feet except for the pain in my eyes that seeing the other people nearby would have given me. Dancing like that is not going to pull girls you ridiculously coiffered handman of semolina-like shit. Get it to-fucking-gether.
9. I'm not against nightclubs - I know good ones are out there. The Leadmill, Sheffield. The Waterfront, Norwich. Etc. But I repeat: Everyone in there tonight has a brain deficiency. There are good looking girls there and I suspect that talking to any of them woud be a disappointment akin to Blair not finding his WoMD.
10. I'm not even going to start on what passes for drinks in there.
11. And the fucking DJs! These are the twilight donkeys without a speil good enough for Hospital Radio. It is really not difficult to play three good tunes in a row! Or in an evening! Please just take your diseased left arm and stick it through a paper shredder along with your less than healthy HEAD.
12. Please all be a bad dream. Nobody, not even me, deserves to have been in that meat-sodden bandit hole of a place. Yes, The Gallery, I'm talking about you. In fact, if anyone fancies googlebombing the dank haven, please link to this post with the words "The Gallery, York".
13. And today could have been so promising.
I'll leave with another line from the great bard himself:
"There's a club if you'd like to go,
you could meet somebody who really loves you.
So you go and you stand on your own,
And you leave on your own,
And you go home and you cry and you want to die."
I didn't stand on my own, but might as well have done. And now I am going to go to bed and probably actually have a good old cry.
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3 comments:
I don't like nightclubs. I don't go. Ever.
You'd have to kill me to get me inside one ever again.
If it was a case of choosing between loosing my friends and going to a nightclub, I think I'd choose loosing my friends, such is the strength of my feeling. (However, if I had the sort of friends that I would loose through not going to a nightclub, I think I'm better off without them anyway)
It has been mentioned before that the reason I don't have a girlfriend is that I never go anywhere to "pull" one. Quite frankly, I'm not interested in the sort of girl who bases her relationship decisions on drunken gropes in sweaty nightclubs where they play bad music too loud. If there aren't any girls of any other sort, then I'll just die single.
Well, several basic comments.
- I tend not to like any of the nightclubs in York, and unfortunately the gallery is probably better than the others, but wouldnt go near the main floor would go downstairs.
- tend not to like nightclubs either, probably as prefer to talk to people, like the ones with chillout zones, and tend to only like nightclubs when in a mood for a laugh and definitely not looking for Lurve.
- Like to point out I was not a retarded loser.
- Also I went to the waterfront on Saturday good laugh, good music, friendly, room to dance, and chance to chat - and this all followed a pub crawl!
The Waterfront is a very good place. Shame there's nowhere like it in York.
For the record, I've enjoyed Toffs in York, in the past. Partly cos it has a room where they sometimes play decent music.
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