Not allowed to fall down a hill

I went out to Xscape at Castleford last night for some "skiing practice" with the guys I'm going skiing with later in the month. The idea was that we'd have an hour of practice on real snow to aid our transition from the dry slope skiing of the weekend.

(Can I just say here that I've always thought "skiing" is a ridiculously spelt word. Those two i's don't work for me)

I was a bit worried about this as I'd never been on a slope bigger than a nursery one before and I wasn't sure how I'd cope with the change. Especially since I was crap on the dry slope. I was hoping I'd be able to have a go on the indoor training slope to get some more basic practice. Unfortunately, they only allow you to use the training slope if you're having a lesson. If you're just there for general practice you have to use the main slope (which is quite big).

Rules for going on the main slope are:
1. You must be able to control your speed (I can't very well)
2. You must be able to do linked turns (sometimes I make turns by accident)
3. You must be able to use the button lift (never even seen one before)

So I wasn't doing very well there. I figured I'd have a go anyway though. You can go up and just get off halfway rather than going all the way to the top. How hard can it be from there?

I think I first raised the suspicions of the staff when I fell off the lift after about a metre. She asked if I'd ever used a button lift before. I said no (strike rule number 3). She asked if I'd ever skied before. Now I knew that the answer I needed to give in order for her to let me up the slope was "yes". So I said yes and then she showed me how to use the lift. I then made it up halfway and dismounted without major incident.

Once there I had to work out how to get down. My plan was to go as slowly as I could and maybe try a turn. Somehow I managed to avoid the fence that was in front of me at the start and make it relatively slowly down to the bottom. I must have done something wrong though because when I returned to the ski-lift the lady asked me to do some turns across the slope this time. I don't think she wanted to just admire my skills. She instead wanted to see if I was competent enough to stay on.

I didn't fall off the lift the second time, but that at least was an improvement. When I got off half way though I moved away from the lift and after a while found myself starting to slide downhill. I tried to stop and didn't so figured I'd make the most of it and just get going. I avoided the fence somehow but then failed to make any other turns for the rest of the way. Also I went (unwittingly) quite a lot faster than the first time. Strike Rules 1 and 2.

The third time the lady said she wouldn't allow me to go up again because I was rubbish, incompetent and a danger to myself and others - my words, but that's what she meant. Hence I found myself, for the first time in my life, banned from the slopes.

She had a point though. So all I could do for the rest of the hour (about 45 mins or so) was wait at the bottom, watch the others, smile a lot and try not to cry.

Stupid snow.

Oh well. As a plus point, I've had a small amount of experience now of skiing and attempting to move across flat snow in skis. That must be better than nothing. Shame I'm shit.

When I got home I had a beer and watched Prison Break and ate a bag of jelly babies. That made me feel a little better. Just a little.