Well, I'm in Munich at the moment, in a little internet cafe in the Metro/subway type thing. I've never been in a foreign internet cafe before. First problem: The keyboard's in German! Well, not all of it, but the y and the z are swapped over (or is it the z and the y?) and lots of the punctuation is in different places. And there are some extra buttons, like "turbo". No idea what that does. It would be very hard to use this keyboard whilst drunk.
When I finish up here I`m heading off to a beer-kellar to drink beer in litre glasses. Sounds excessive to me, but when in Rome and all that... When in Rome will actually be in three or four days time btw.
I have been keeping a paper journal whilst out here and I'll be typing that up when I get home. Or bits of it at least. And I may expand some of it. And add pictures. Who knows? See how much time I have. And that's why I'm not actually saying much here about what I'm doing. So, until the next time, auf wiedersehen!
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Au revoir
This will my last post for a while, as today I leave for holiday! But don't worry everyone - I have my notebook, and I plan to take notes and post a day by day catchup on my return. You lucky, lucky people!
Packing: Nearly complete. Need to iron one shirt (although I question the wisdom of this given suitcase creasing etc) and pack my hand luggage, then I can be away. All devices are charged, all travel documents are collated, spare key, alarm details etc are passed to friendly neighbour, I think I'm ready.
So this is it. I'm off to see new places, meet new people, and do new things. Take care of yourselves, y'all.
Packing: Nearly complete. Need to iron one shirt (although I question the wisdom of this given suitcase creasing etc) and pack my hand luggage, then I can be away. All devices are charged, all travel documents are collated, spare key, alarm details etc are passed to friendly neighbour, I think I'm ready.
So this is it. I'm off to see new places, meet new people, and do new things. Take care of yourselves, y'all.
Friday, July 23, 2004
The 10,000 step plan
As part of the Britain On The Move campaign, you can get a free pedometer from today. How useful to have something to count every step you take (I'll be watching you). Apparently we're supposed to do 10,000 a day to stay healthy. No idea how many I do, but I may soon be able to tell you how many steps I take on the European continent. Unless I drop/break/lose/tire of it in the meantime.
I'm picking mine up at lunchtime - needless to say, my excitement levels are peaking.
I'm picking mine up at lunchtime - needless to say, my excitement levels are peaking.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
I'm packing and leaving
I've just spent an hour or so packing my suitcase ready for the holiday. A quick weigh-in... 15 kg. Well within my 20kg limit. Still need to add one more shirt, and then maybe a jacket, but I think I'll be well under. I probably have too many clothes, but it's so long since I've been on a long holiday that I really have no idea how much I need. Enough to wear clean clothes each day seems like a reasonable idea. And obvs I've also packed "the hat".
Final packing: Saturday morning. Will mostly be my hand luggage & toiletries. I still have not lost my passport. Sure there must be something obvious I have forgotten though. Maybe I'll go through the checklist one last time.
Since tomorrow is my last full day in York I'm planning to go out for leaving drinks in the evening. I'd like to get out at a reasonable time, but have loads of work to do. Luckily, I've devised an incredibly elegant solution to a piece of work which should let me cut down a couple of day's really dull spreadsheet work into an hour or so. And at the same time will make my models much more versatile. It's going to be bloomin' great, unless I've made a fundamental mistake in my thinking, which was done on my way home from work at around 7pm after a tiring day (aww, bless).
Either way, I plan to get in early tomorrow which means an early night tonight. And the end of another completely non-alcoholic week.
Final packing: Saturday morning. Will mostly be my hand luggage & toiletries. I still have not lost my passport. Sure there must be something obvious I have forgotten though. Maybe I'll go through the checklist one last time.
Since tomorrow is my last full day in York I'm planning to go out for leaving drinks in the evening. I'd like to get out at a reasonable time, but have loads of work to do. Luckily, I've devised an incredibly elegant solution to a piece of work which should let me cut down a couple of day's really dull spreadsheet work into an hour or so. And at the same time will make my models much more versatile. It's going to be bloomin' great, unless I've made a fundamental mistake in my thinking, which was done on my way home from work at around 7pm after a tiring day (aww, bless).
Either way, I plan to get in early tomorrow which means an early night tonight. And the end of another completely non-alcoholic week.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Farewell to the NME
Time for a confession. I think I've stopped buying the NME.
I've been reading the UK music press since sixth form, and on a regular weekly basis since university. I've only missed maybe 2 or 3 editions in that time, and those have been when I was out of the country for too long.
It used to be that there was a choice: Melody Maker or NME. To my mind Melody Maker was always a better read, and covered slightly better music, but a few years ago it was subsumed by the NME and I had no choice but to either stop altogether, or switch music papers. So I switched.
Then for a few years I was reasonably happy with it, but slowly although I was still buying it every week, I was reading less and less of it. And then last year they had a big rejig and changed the format a bit. And it got to the point where all I was doing was reading (some of) the album and live gig reviews. And there are much less live reviews than there used to be.
So last week I thought "sod it" and I didn't buy it. Figured I had a week or so to change my mind. But I didn't change my mind, and I never bought last week's edition. I didn't buy this week's one today either. I may buy it occasionally in the future, or I may not. Time will tell. Welcome to the new era.
I've been reading the UK music press since sixth form, and on a regular weekly basis since university. I've only missed maybe 2 or 3 editions in that time, and those have been when I was out of the country for too long.
It used to be that there was a choice: Melody Maker or NME. To my mind Melody Maker was always a better read, and covered slightly better music, but a few years ago it was subsumed by the NME and I had no choice but to either stop altogether, or switch music papers. So I switched.
Then for a few years I was reasonably happy with it, but slowly although I was still buying it every week, I was reading less and less of it. And then last year they had a big rejig and changed the format a bit. And it got to the point where all I was doing was reading (some of) the album and live gig reviews. And there are much less live reviews than there used to be.
So last week I thought "sod it" and I didn't buy it. Figured I had a week or so to change my mind. But I didn't change my mind, and I never bought last week's edition. I didn't buy this week's one today either. I may buy it occasionally in the future, or I may not. Time will tell. Welcome to the new era.
By popular request, here's the hat!
Panama Hat
Because you all asked so nicely, here is a little picture of my new hat. See, I told you that a guitar could double as a hat-stand!
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
A review of a gig what I went to tonight (12)
Dawn of the Replicants almost could have been big in 1997 when I was last aware of them. I think the NME may have voted them best new band that year or similar. Since those heady student days (why are student days always "heady"? What does "heady" mean? (after checking dictionary) Ok I understand now) I have not heard much of the band, but clearly they have managed to avoid splitting up as they were playing in York this evening. At Fibbers, quite predictably. Incidentally - did anyone see Babyshambles there last night? Were they any good?
The singer thanked the support bands and mentioned that they would probably go onto great things - previous supports for DotR have included "Clinic, Snow Patrol, Radiohead and... Pulp!". Radio-who? Music was a bit messy for my tastes, but watchable enough. My feet were hurting somewhat though. Must be age.
Though they seem to be getting on a bit now too, arguably 7 years after they should have called it a day! By their own admission they look like a bunch of darts players.
Here's the AR(SE) table once more. Dawn of the Replicants score 2 x 1 actuary = 2.0 AR(SE) points.
3.5: Easyworld / Snow Patrol 1 / Graham Coxon / Keane
2.5: Four Day Hombre 1 / Snow Patrol 2
2.0: Delays / Athlete / Dawn of the Replicants
1.5: The Ordinary Boys
1.0: The Open / Jonathan Richman / Four Day Hombre 2
Next gig, Puressence in the middle of August.
The singer thanked the support bands and mentioned that they would probably go onto great things - previous supports for DotR have included "Clinic, Snow Patrol, Radiohead and... Pulp!". Radio-who? Music was a bit messy for my tastes, but watchable enough. My feet were hurting somewhat though. Must be age.
Though they seem to be getting on a bit now too, arguably 7 years after they should have called it a day! By their own admission they look like a bunch of darts players.
Here's the AR(SE) table once more. Dawn of the Replicants score 2 x 1 actuary = 2.0 AR(SE) points.
3.5: Easyworld / Snow Patrol 1 / Graham Coxon / Keane
2.5: Four Day Hombre 1 / Snow Patrol 2
2.0: Delays / Athlete / Dawn of the Replicants
1.5: The Ordinary Boys
1.0: The Open / Jonathan Richman / Four Day Hombre 2
Next gig, Puressence in the middle of August.
I hat a dream
I've been thinking of buying hat. A hat for my holiday. Maybe a Panama. That would keep the sun off my young face. And help prevent ear, nose andhead burn. I'd look great in a hat. If I go the hat route, I will provide an update.
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I went the hat route. A Panama. Now I shall be shaded and cool. "Warning: Sunscreen must be worn alongside product". I shall bear that in mind. A hat alone is not sun-prevent-sufficient.
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I went the hat route. A Panama. Now I shall be shaded and cool. "Warning: Sunscreen must be worn alongside product". I shall bear that in mind. A hat alone is not sun-prevent-sufficient.
Monday, July 19, 2004
For whom the bridge tolls
On Friday I journeyed with a couple of colleagues to Aldwark, where we were running a business game that I designed last year.
The route we took required us to cross Aldwark toll bridge - see it here. The toll was a princely 15p. Between the three of us we were just about able to scrape this together. Service involved a little man in a flourescent yellow jacket stopping all the cars, taking their money (mostly in coined form) and giving them a little slip of paper as a ticket?receipt?souvenir?
The bridge is not in a busy area - it's in a little country village that has no real reason to get many cars passing through - so we were not quite sure how the 15ps would add to enough to pay the man, let alone maintain the bridge. After crossing the bridge, it seems they may not be spending too much on maintenance - it felt a little rickety.
But then I guess you need only around 20 cars an hour to give minimum wage - one every three minutes (in either direction) so they might just be able to pay him.
And the Clifton Suspension Bridge, a much more impressive Bristol-based construction is only 20p to cross - it will have many more cars, but also much higher maintenance costs.
Well, regardless of the economics, the mere existence of the bridge made our journey much more exciting. Only if the man in the yellow jacket had actually been a troll in a yellow jacket could the journey have been better.
The route we took required us to cross Aldwark toll bridge - see it here. The toll was a princely 15p. Between the three of us we were just about able to scrape this together. Service involved a little man in a flourescent yellow jacket stopping all the cars, taking their money (mostly in coined form) and giving them a little slip of paper as a ticket?receipt?souvenir?
The bridge is not in a busy area - it's in a little country village that has no real reason to get many cars passing through - so we were not quite sure how the 15ps would add to enough to pay the man, let alone maintain the bridge. After crossing the bridge, it seems they may not be spending too much on maintenance - it felt a little rickety.
But then I guess you need only around 20 cars an hour to give minimum wage - one every three minutes (in either direction) so they might just be able to pay him.
And the Clifton Suspension Bridge, a much more impressive Bristol-based construction is only 20p to cross - it will have many more cars, but also much higher maintenance costs.
Well, regardless of the economics, the mere existence of the bridge made our journey much more exciting. Only if the man in the yellow jacket had actually been a troll in a yellow jacket could the journey have been better.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Holiday Prep
With my holiday departure less than a week away, I figure it's sensible to make sure I have everything I need. So I henceforth went shopping earlier today and bought many exciting and unusual items. Well, ok then, maybe not that exciting or unusual, but they are (mostly) definitely items. What did I buy?
1. A plug adaptor to ensure that I can plug my various rechargers (phone, iPod, camera, GBA etc) into daft European two hole sockets. Last time I tried to do this when I went to France, either I accidentally had the wrong adaptors or the place we were staying in was just weird, and I had to borrow someone elses. Hopefully this time I'll have more luck...
2. A notebook. Nice (probably fake) suede effect cover. Since I won't be taking by laptop away with me, I need to ensure I have some other means of recording my life and any thoughts (or maybe even songs!) that enter my head. I also need somewhere to take blog notes. Maybe I should just let go for a while. But that would be dull.
3. A set of three gel pens to write in the notebook with. First rule of non-electric writing: make sure you have a writing implement. Second rule of non-electric writing: make sure you have spare writing implements. I like gel pens. For reference, I tend to use Uniball Signos. And they were half price too.
4. Foreign Money: Euros and Swiss Francs. I never really know how much to get, but I should be able to make things work by using my credit card appropriately and ensuring I spread cash spending wisely. And if I have too much left at the end I can always just buy bottles of booze on the cross channel ferry.
5. Sun Tan Cream. I've been told that old stuff loses it's effectiveness. This is irritating as I've been using the same bottle for the last 5 years or so. Got a new bottle now, so all I have to do is remember to use it (easier said than done!).
6. Some new clothes. To be precise, two shirts and five pairs of boxer shorts. The shirts are (1) a light blue short sleeved cotton thing, with buttons all the way down the front and (2) a kind of stone coloured polo shirt. The underwear comes in a variety of patterns.
7. Bathroom scales. I have a 20kg luggage allowance, but I have no real grasp of how heavy that is. Hence I have had to purchase some scales. Sounds a bit overboard, but they were only three quid, so I'm not exactly breaking my bank there. And it seems I still weigh the same as ever. Got a bit of a shock at first when I tried them in the living room and I appeared to have put on two stone, but I think that's because they don't work so well on carpet.
That concludes the shopping. Also today I finished my big doorstop of a book - it would have been very very annoying to have to cart an 800 page hardback around for two weeks if I only had 50 pages left to go when I left. And I also moved by suitcase from the living room (where it has been since I purchased it on Monday) to the bedroom (where most of my clothing lives).
I think I may still have several important tasks ahead of me, including the processes of luggage choosing, luggage packing and miscellaneous general fretting.
1. A plug adaptor to ensure that I can plug my various rechargers (phone, iPod, camera, GBA etc) into daft European two hole sockets. Last time I tried to do this when I went to France, either I accidentally had the wrong adaptors or the place we were staying in was just weird, and I had to borrow someone elses. Hopefully this time I'll have more luck...
2. A notebook. Nice (probably fake) suede effect cover. Since I won't be taking by laptop away with me, I need to ensure I have some other means of recording my life and any thoughts (or maybe even songs!) that enter my head. I also need somewhere to take blog notes. Maybe I should just let go for a while. But that would be dull.
3. A set of three gel pens to write in the notebook with. First rule of non-electric writing: make sure you have a writing implement. Second rule of non-electric writing: make sure you have spare writing implements. I like gel pens. For reference, I tend to use Uniball Signos. And they were half price too.
4. Foreign Money: Euros and Swiss Francs. I never really know how much to get, but I should be able to make things work by using my credit card appropriately and ensuring I spread cash spending wisely. And if I have too much left at the end I can always just buy bottles of booze on the cross channel ferry.
5. Sun Tan Cream. I've been told that old stuff loses it's effectiveness. This is irritating as I've been using the same bottle for the last 5 years or so. Got a new bottle now, so all I have to do is remember to use it (easier said than done!).
6. Some new clothes. To be precise, two shirts and five pairs of boxer shorts. The shirts are (1) a light blue short sleeved cotton thing, with buttons all the way down the front and (2) a kind of stone coloured polo shirt. The underwear comes in a variety of patterns.
7. Bathroom scales. I have a 20kg luggage allowance, but I have no real grasp of how heavy that is. Hence I have had to purchase some scales. Sounds a bit overboard, but they were only three quid, so I'm not exactly breaking my bank there. And it seems I still weigh the same as ever. Got a bit of a shock at first when I tried them in the living room and I appeared to have put on two stone, but I think that's because they don't work so well on carpet.
That concludes the shopping. Also today I finished my big doorstop of a book - it would have been very very annoying to have to cart an 800 page hardback around for two weeks if I only had 50 pages left to go when I left. And I also moved by suitcase from the living room (where it has been since I purchased it on Monday) to the bedroom (where most of my clothing lives).
I think I may still have several important tasks ahead of me, including the processes of luggage choosing, luggage packing and miscellaneous general fretting.
York Minster
Last Sunday my parents came up to visit, along with a young French girl who was staying with them for a while. We went to the Minster since it is old and the sort of place you take visitors aka foreign tourists with cameras. I also had a camera: Here's the Minster:
What you can't see in this picture is that there are lots of policemen nearby who have been having a busy day dealing with Fathers For Justice, who had climbed onto the roof and also caused a commotion during a service. They may be the biggest threat to world peace after Osama's lot and Vernon Kaye (and lord help us if those two ever get in league with each other).
In general, visitors have to pay to enter the Minster, but it is free for residents. That's residents of York rather than of the Minster. I would expect that anyone who actually lived in the Minster would be allowed to come and go as they please. Maybe through a special door. Anyway, as a resident, I did not have to pay, and I even got a wonderful card which lets me jump to the front of the queue and come and go as I please. Though not through the special door.
What you can't see in this picture is that there are lots of policemen nearby who have been having a busy day dealing with Fathers For Justice, who had climbed onto the roof and also caused a commotion during a service. They may be the biggest threat to world peace after Osama's lot and Vernon Kaye (and lord help us if those two ever get in league with each other).
In general, visitors have to pay to enter the Minster, but it is free for residents. That's residents of York rather than of the Minster. I would expect that anyone who actually lived in the Minster would be allowed to come and go as they please. Maybe through a special door. Anyway, as a resident, I did not have to pay, and I even got a wonderful card which lets me jump to the front of the queue and come and go as I please. Though not through the special door.
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Whisky in the drawer
I was given a nice bottle of Scotch at work yesterday, as a thank you for putting together a comedy panel game at a conference. I like whisky! Can't actually remember what sort it was, but I think it began with an M. Sadly I had to leave it in my desk drawer as I didn't want to carry it round with me all last night. It will come home with me on Monday though.
I also gave my member of staff a gold star for being good.
I also gave my member of staff a gold star for being good.
Friday, July 16, 2004
Where did I go last night?
My morning challenge for today: Remember all ten pubs from last night, with a comment for each. Here we go:
1. The Corner Pin: Starting point.
2. The First Hussar: Lots of people in, long wait at the bar. A chap who worked there asked the barlady if she needed him to come and help. She said that nobody had warned her that it was going to be busy, so we'd just have to wait. Nice customer service attitude there.
3. The Cock and Bottle: We finished their bottle of Taboo. Didn't have (or want) any myself.
4. O'Neills: An opposing team's quiz sheet flew over a wall. I could have stolen many answers but was quite well behaved and gave it back.
5. The Grapes: Used to do Karaoke in here. Today I suspected people had had trouble deciphering the pub clue, as it was pretty empty.
6. The Last Drop Inn: There are steps in there.
7. The Old White Swan: Again?? How much of my life do I have to spend in this place?
8. Ye Olde Starre Inne: We nearly didn't work out this one - I resorted to stalking another team... didn't work, they led me a merry dance. Last minute inspiration from me saved the day.
9. Lendal Cellars: Vodka shots... two each should be enough. And it helps make up the time we've lost.
10. The Varsity: Arrived just in time, with my new friend, The Long Balloon With A Face. I temporarily forget his name.
1. The Corner Pin: Starting point.
2. The First Hussar: Lots of people in, long wait at the bar. A chap who worked there asked the barlady if she needed him to come and help. She said that nobody had warned her that it was going to be busy, so we'd just have to wait. Nice customer service attitude there.
3. The Cock and Bottle: We finished their bottle of Taboo. Didn't have (or want) any myself.
4. O'Neills: An opposing team's quiz sheet flew over a wall. I could have stolen many answers but was quite well behaved and gave it back.
5. The Grapes: Used to do Karaoke in here. Today I suspected people had had trouble deciphering the pub clue, as it was pretty empty.
6. The Last Drop Inn: There are steps in there.
7. The Old White Swan: Again?? How much of my life do I have to spend in this place?
8. Ye Olde Starre Inne: We nearly didn't work out this one - I resorted to stalking another team... didn't work, they led me a merry dance. Last minute inspiration from me saved the day.
9. Lendal Cellars: Vodka shots... two each should be enough. And it helps make up the time we've lost.
10. The Varsity: Arrived just in time, with my new friend, The Long Balloon With A Face. I temporarily forget his name.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
?... hellol?...
I am so un-close to understanding myself. Tonight I could have gone to see one of the funniest men in the country, Ross Noble, and instead I decided to just stay out for some drinks instead.
I need someoene to talk to. And they aren't there.
I need someoene to talk to. And they aren't there.
I don't care what's outside
I've not opened the curtains this morning, but soon I'll leave for work. Without opening the curtains. This may be foolhardy, umbrella-lack gambling, but it's what I'm gonna do. I hope for non-overdampness when I reach my destination, but it's hard to care too much about it.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
A review of a gig what I went to last night (11)
Blimey, no wonder I've been miserable. Looks like I haven't been to a proper gig since April 26.
Last night I went to see Four Day Hombre at Fibbers. Support was from Battle of the Bands winners, Sixty6. I still think they sound like Feeder, but now I'm starting to recognise many of the songs, so because they are familiar it feels like a set of Feeder cover versions. Which it is not.
A few points about Fibbers itself - it had run out of bitter last night - must have been due to The Fall playing two nights in a row on the previous nights. So no TT Landlord for me. More interestingly, after going there for three years, the place now has cloakroom facilities! Not sure exactly where, as I didn't read more than the top of the sign ("Cloakroom, 50p").
FDH were great - love the new songs, and the old ones still sound magic. TFWITH didn't become Kate Bush at the end for the first time that I can remember, but there was a new cover (that they hinted may not be played again) - The Human League's "Don't you want me" which sounded excellent (and very different from the original).
The new single was out this week - I bought it last night. They are all numbered and I have no 63. Just think how excited that must make me. It's a wonder I slept.
So here's the return of the AR(SE) table - last night's gig plummeting a whole three places below FDH's last placement. Must try harder people!
3.5: Easyworld / Snow Patrol 1 / Graham Coxon / Keane
2.5: Four Day Hombre 1 / Snow Patrol 2
2.0: Delays / Athlete
1.5: The Ordinary Boys
1.0: The Open / Jonathan Richman / Four Day Hombre 2
Next gig: Probably Dawn of the Replicants next week.
Last night I went to see Four Day Hombre at Fibbers. Support was from Battle of the Bands winners, Sixty6. I still think they sound like Feeder, but now I'm starting to recognise many of the songs, so because they are familiar it feels like a set of Feeder cover versions. Which it is not.
A few points about Fibbers itself - it had run out of bitter last night - must have been due to The Fall playing two nights in a row on the previous nights. So no TT Landlord for me. More interestingly, after going there for three years, the place now has cloakroom facilities! Not sure exactly where, as I didn't read more than the top of the sign ("Cloakroom, 50p").
FDH were great - love the new songs, and the old ones still sound magic. TFWITH didn't become Kate Bush at the end for the first time that I can remember, but there was a new cover (that they hinted may not be played again) - The Human League's "Don't you want me" which sounded excellent (and very different from the original).
The new single was out this week - I bought it last night. They are all numbered and I have no 63. Just think how excited that must make me. It's a wonder I slept.
So here's the return of the AR(SE) table - last night's gig plummeting a whole three places below FDH's last placement. Must try harder people!
3.5: Easyworld / Snow Patrol 1 / Graham Coxon / Keane
2.5: Four Day Hombre 1 / Snow Patrol 2
2.0: Delays / Athlete
1.5: The Ordinary Boys
1.0: The Open / Jonathan Richman / Four Day Hombre 2
Next gig: Probably Dawn of the Replicants next week.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Weird Dreams
As the day has gone on, I have recovered several vivid dreams from last night.
1. The Polyphonic Spree on a boat. I was with my sister and she said they were the Spree, I said they weren't. But then they started singing and I also recognised Tim De'Laughter which was a bit of a giveaway. I had to admit I'd been wrong.
2. A strange dream featuring a puzzle tower, and strange talking coloured evil jelly blobs. Their leader was a white blob, who had a chip inserted in him which made him belief he was Keats. On waking (to wakefulness? to waking whilst sleeping?) I think I was impressed that the story had continued on well from where the chip had started out - probably the Hyperion books. My role in the story is sdaly now lost, but I remember jumping over a high wall to escape from the blobs at one point (with the head blob's chip? with something from the tower?).
Gig review from tonight to follow in the morning.
1. The Polyphonic Spree on a boat. I was with my sister and she said they were the Spree, I said they weren't. But then they started singing and I also recognised Tim De'Laughter which was a bit of a giveaway. I had to admit I'd been wrong.
2. A strange dream featuring a puzzle tower, and strange talking coloured evil jelly blobs. Their leader was a white blob, who had a chip inserted in him which made him belief he was Keats. On waking (to wakefulness? to waking whilst sleeping?) I think I was impressed that the story had continued on well from where the chip had started out - probably the Hyperion books. My role in the story is sdaly now lost, but I remember jumping over a high wall to escape from the blobs at one point (with the head blob's chip? with something from the tower?).
Gig review from tonight to follow in the morning.
The Monkey and the Plywood Violin
I was listening to "First we take Manhatten" by Leonard Cohen on the way home from work today. I got to wondering: What exactly did he plan to do with the "Monkey and the Plywood violin" that he receives during the song? I'm sure you've all wondered the same thing at one point or another.
What follows is my best theory on the matter. First, as with any good theory, some assumptions:
1. The monkey is alive. And it is a chimp. Not the most intelligent chimp on this Earth, but still quite a good one - about the intelligence level of your average three year old human.
2. The plywood violin is a replica violin. Although it can be played, the sound that emerges is awful. Similar to the noise that a three year old human might make whilst playing a real violin.
3. These are the only special items needed for the plan. Other non-special items (string, paperclips, marbles etc) are just lying around to be used if needed.
So now the plan... Clearly Leonard is not going to take the whole of Manhatten with just these two items - and hence he won't get Berlin either. In fact the monkey and violin will be used for just one small part of the plan, which involves him sneaking into a bar in Lower Manhatten and taking that over (please don't ask why, it's far too complex to explain here).
Leonard stands just outside the bar, pretending to be a busker playing the violin (shan't mention the bar's name here, to avoid others copying the scheme). The chimp is waiting around the corner. At Leonard's signal, the chimp dashes round the corner, leaps up, graps the violin and bow and runs off up the street. Leonard runs into the bar and shouts "Help everyone! A chimp has stolen my violin". The bar patrons and owner are shocked by this and realised they must help. All run out, and chase the monkey.
The bar is now empty, Leonard sneaks in and closes and bolts the door. He is safe and it is left to the monkey to finish of the rest of the plan.
Since the chimp is relatively agile, he is able to dismantle the violin whilst running. Painted on the inside is a sign saying "I'm a really cute monkey: Please play with me." The patrons and owner cannot resist this suggestion and they all sit on the street and start playing with the monkey. But little beknownst to them, the chimpy isn't cute at all! He just looks cute! Actually he's evil and murderous. The other parts of the violin he has formed into little wooden spikes.
He pushes these, lightning fast, through the windpipes of everyone nearby (bar owner first), killing them all gurglingly. The monkey then stabs himself non fatally in an arm and lies on the floor. Eventually a passerby comes past, sees the devastation and the injured monkey, and also the sign. Clearly the monkey cannot be the killer and so the passerby assumes it was a bad man who had done the nastiness and run off. The chimp looks so cute that the man takes him to a monkey-vet where the a full recovery is made.
Some days later the chimp returns to Leonard's Bar (recently rechristened) and both have a tearful reunion. For the final part of this section of the plan, Leonard Cohen kills, peels and eats the chimp because the chimp is evil and is also the only evidence of what really happened. The Bar is successfully taken. Now onto the rest of Manhatten....
So now you know what the song was on about, and don't need to go searching on the webbyweb for it if you ever start questioning the lyrics in the future.
What follows is my best theory on the matter. First, as with any good theory, some assumptions:
1. The monkey is alive. And it is a chimp. Not the most intelligent chimp on this Earth, but still quite a good one - about the intelligence level of your average three year old human.
2. The plywood violin is a replica violin. Although it can be played, the sound that emerges is awful. Similar to the noise that a three year old human might make whilst playing a real violin.
3. These are the only special items needed for the plan. Other non-special items (string, paperclips, marbles etc) are just lying around to be used if needed.
So now the plan... Clearly Leonard is not going to take the whole of Manhatten with just these two items - and hence he won't get Berlin either. In fact the monkey and violin will be used for just one small part of the plan, which involves him sneaking into a bar in Lower Manhatten and taking that over (please don't ask why, it's far too complex to explain here).
Leonard stands just outside the bar, pretending to be a busker playing the violin (shan't mention the bar's name here, to avoid others copying the scheme). The chimp is waiting around the corner. At Leonard's signal, the chimp dashes round the corner, leaps up, graps the violin and bow and runs off up the street. Leonard runs into the bar and shouts "Help everyone! A chimp has stolen my violin". The bar patrons and owner are shocked by this and realised they must help. All run out, and chase the monkey.
The bar is now empty, Leonard sneaks in and closes and bolts the door. He is safe and it is left to the monkey to finish of the rest of the plan.
Since the chimp is relatively agile, he is able to dismantle the violin whilst running. Painted on the inside is a sign saying "I'm a really cute monkey: Please play with me." The patrons and owner cannot resist this suggestion and they all sit on the street and start playing with the monkey. But little beknownst to them, the chimpy isn't cute at all! He just looks cute! Actually he's evil and murderous. The other parts of the violin he has formed into little wooden spikes.
He pushes these, lightning fast, through the windpipes of everyone nearby (bar owner first), killing them all gurglingly. The monkey then stabs himself non fatally in an arm and lies on the floor. Eventually a passerby comes past, sees the devastation and the injured monkey, and also the sign. Clearly the monkey cannot be the killer and so the passerby assumes it was a bad man who had done the nastiness and run off. The chimp looks so cute that the man takes him to a monkey-vet where the a full recovery is made.
Some days later the chimp returns to Leonard's Bar (recently rechristened) and both have a tearful reunion. For the final part of this section of the plan, Leonard Cohen kills, peels and eats the chimp because the chimp is evil and is also the only evidence of what really happened. The Bar is successfully taken. Now onto the rest of Manhatten....
So now you know what the song was on about, and don't need to go searching on the webbyweb for it if you ever start questioning the lyrics in the future.
Monday, July 12, 2004
Fun with balloons.
At work today, a colleague was attempting to blow up a ballon, inside a second inflated ballon - this he successfully achieved, and the resulting ballon in a ballon was a sight to behold. I was impressed, so challenged him to a second, harder task.
In my desk I have a load of party poppers left over from Christmas. I thought it might be interesting to see if we could make a party popper go off inside an inflated balloon. I made the challenge and with a gleam in his eye, the challenge was accepted.
What is the best colour balloon to use for this? I'm not sure, but he chose pink. The basic approach was to try and get the mouth of the balloon around the rim of the popper and then try and get the whole thing in, with just the string trailing out. Then the balloon could be inflated, the mouth secured and then we (well, he) would just pull the string and... bang! What actually happened was that the first balloon ripped as it was being applied.
Balloon two was more successful, and it was anchored securely onto the popper. What then proved harder was getting any air in at the same time. I'm sure I could have done it, but it wasn't my challenge! Eventually the inflation attempt was abandoned and we decided just to let it off anyway. I retreated to a safe distance.
The string was pulled and.... pfft. The tinniest most pathetic pop sound. On closer inspection the card circle that holds the streamers in had not come out of the popper properly, as it was severly impeded by the rubber. Then the whole thing started to give off a reasonable amount of smoke. Luckily we hadn't actually managed to set it on fire and the smoke soon stopped.
And that was that.
In my desk I have a load of party poppers left over from Christmas. I thought it might be interesting to see if we could make a party popper go off inside an inflated balloon. I made the challenge and with a gleam in his eye, the challenge was accepted.
What is the best colour balloon to use for this? I'm not sure, but he chose pink. The basic approach was to try and get the mouth of the balloon around the rim of the popper and then try and get the whole thing in, with just the string trailing out. Then the balloon could be inflated, the mouth secured and then we (well, he) would just pull the string and... bang! What actually happened was that the first balloon ripped as it was being applied.
Balloon two was more successful, and it was anchored securely onto the popper. What then proved harder was getting any air in at the same time. I'm sure I could have done it, but it wasn't my challenge! Eventually the inflation attempt was abandoned and we decided just to let it off anyway. I retreated to a safe distance.
The string was pulled and.... pfft. The tinniest most pathetic pop sound. On closer inspection the card circle that holds the streamers in had not come out of the popper properly, as it was severly impeded by the rubber. Then the whole thing started to give off a reasonable amount of smoke. Luckily we hadn't actually managed to set it on fire and the smoke soon stopped.
And that was that.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Get me away from here, I'm dying
I'm too optimistic sometimes. I build up hopes and expectations, and then when things don't look like they're going to turn out like I'd like (ie always), I overcompensate to try and get things back on track, and it helps nobody, least of all me.
I think it's fair to say that every time anything good has ever happened to me, it's been at times when I wasn't expecting it. Maybe there's a sign that hangs over me or something.
Possibly this is the first time I've actually realised this (or at least it's the first time I've been ready to listen). It's definitely the first time I've written it down. Expecting good times, optimistically thinking of how great tomorrow's going to be, will only lead to disappointment. I need to relax, wait, stop worrying, and get a grip. There are perfect moments ahead, just like there have been in the past. It'd be great if I had a magic diary that listed when they'd be.
Disappointingly, I suspect that I'll completely ignore my own advice and just attempt to slowly, step by step, fuck my life up more by more.
Christ, I need this coming holiday. And maybe then some other step change.
I think it's fair to say that every time anything good has ever happened to me, it's been at times when I wasn't expecting it. Maybe there's a sign that hangs over me or something.
Possibly this is the first time I've actually realised this (or at least it's the first time I've been ready to listen). It's definitely the first time I've written it down. Expecting good times, optimistically thinking of how great tomorrow's going to be, will only lead to disappointment. I need to relax, wait, stop worrying, and get a grip. There are perfect moments ahead, just like there have been in the past. It'd be great if I had a magic diary that listed when they'd be.
Disappointingly, I suspect that I'll completely ignore my own advice and just attempt to slowly, step by step, fuck my life up more by more.
Christ, I need this coming holiday. And maybe then some other step change.
Recap by songs
Some of My Week, in song titles (Note: actual week content may be denoted by title of song or by content of song, but not by the artist)
Drink Beer (Chris TT)
One Night Is Not Enough (Snow Patrol)
Sunday Morning (The Velvet Undergound)
A Night In (Tindersticks)
Coming Second (Elbow)
House of Fun (Madness)
Shopping (Pet Shop Boys)
Another Night In (Tindersticks)
Man, it's so loud in here (They Might Be Giants)
Can we start again? (Tindersticks)
Alan Bean (Hefner)
There's a couple that would have been really good, but I've decided it is best to exclude them.
Addendum: Sunday, 2313: Should also add "Special/Blown it (Delete as appropriate)" by Mansun. From the album "Six", still one of my faves of ever. Ordering is tricky... stick it between "Another Night In" and "Man, It's So Loud in Here".
Drink Beer (Chris TT)
One Night Is Not Enough (Snow Patrol)
Sunday Morning (The Velvet Undergound)
A Night In (Tindersticks)
Coming Second (Elbow)
House of Fun (Madness)
Shopping (Pet Shop Boys)
Another Night In (Tindersticks)
Man, it's so loud in here (They Might Be Giants)
Can we start again? (Tindersticks)
Alan Bean (Hefner)
There's a couple that would have been really good, but I've decided it is best to exclude them.
Addendum: Sunday, 2313: Should also add "Special/Blown it (Delete as appropriate)" by Mansun. From the album "Six", still one of my faves of ever. Ordering is tricky... stick it between "Another Night In" and "Man, It's So Loud in Here".
Saturday, July 10, 2004
Another actuarial book reference
A long time ago, I wrote this short post about actuaries being mentioned in books. Since then, I don't think any other instances have come up... until this morning. And (maybe) oddly it's in the sequel to the book from last time. Now... how much of this can I be arsed to type out...
"May I assist you carrying one of those tomes Mr Halley?"
"Daniel! An unexpected pleasure! I can manage, thank you, but you may assist me by telling me in which of these rooms I might find Mr. Pepys."
"Follow me. He is meeting with one Cabal or other at the end of the opposite wing."
"Ah, then wait with me whilst I rest my arms."
"Are these for his book collection?"
"These are money/"
"On the pages I see numbers. Rumor has had it, Mr. Halley, that you have hired up every computer on this island, and set them to a great work. Now I see the rumors were true."
"These are only the first fruits of their lucubrations - I have brought them up, at the request of Mr. Pepys, to show them as a sort of demo'."
"Why do you say that they are money? To me they could be sines and cosines."
"These are actuarial tables, a sort of extract or distillation from the records of births and deaths of every parish in England. Supplied with these data the Exchequer can raise capital by selling annuities to the general public; and if they sell enough of them, why, the law of averages dictates that they will make a profit without fail!"
"What, by gambling that their customers will die?"
"That is no gamble Dr. Waterhouse."
Extract from 'The Confusion' by Neal Stephenson
"May I assist you carrying one of those tomes Mr Halley?"
"Daniel! An unexpected pleasure! I can manage, thank you, but you may assist me by telling me in which of these rooms I might find Mr. Pepys."
"Follow me. He is meeting with one Cabal or other at the end of the opposite wing."
"Ah, then wait with me whilst I rest my arms."
"Are these for his book collection?"
"These are money/"
"On the pages I see numbers. Rumor has had it, Mr. Halley, that you have hired up every computer on this island, and set them to a great work. Now I see the rumors were true."
"These are only the first fruits of their lucubrations - I have brought them up, at the request of Mr. Pepys, to show them as a sort of demo'."
"Why do you say that they are money? To me they could be sines and cosines."
"These are actuarial tables, a sort of extract or distillation from the records of births and deaths of every parish in England. Supplied with these data the Exchequer can raise capital by selling annuities to the general public; and if they sell enough of them, why, the law of averages dictates that they will make a profit without fail!"
"What, by gambling that their customers will die?"
"That is no gamble Dr. Waterhouse."
Extract from 'The Confusion' by Neal Stephenson
Friday, July 09, 2004
Why I hate shit nightclubs
I've just got back from a nightclub. It was total shit. And I'm not in a good mood, so this post may contain swearing and insults to everyone I was with. I really don't give a clown shoe fuck.
Reasons why I hate shitty Nightclubs:
1. You can't hear the people you'd like to speak to.
2. You can only hear the people you'd happily lock in a metal box and dump into Mt Vesuvius.
3. Every single person who enters the place is a retarded, low down piece of excrement, stupid sodding loser, what the fuck are you doing there? get a sodding clue, look at you, do you call those clothes you sadwit arse nose? And yes, that does include me.
4. And for the hell of it, that includes my friends.
5. Now onto the music. I have seriously been to funerals where I've enjoyed the music more than the utter beatshitsense they played tonight. At least you can sway to a good dirge.
6. For God's sake, take a step back and look at you.
7. I didn't go to the toilet, but if I did I expect it would have been Glastonbury standard.
8. The last time I was that bored was whilst invigilating at an exam. Seriously, I could have slept on my feet except for the pain in my eyes that seeing the other people nearby would have given me. Dancing like that is not going to pull girls you ridiculously coiffered handman of semolina-like shit. Get it to-fucking-gether.
9. I'm not against nightclubs - I know good ones are out there. The Leadmill, Sheffield. The Waterfront, Norwich. Etc. But I repeat: Everyone in there tonight has a brain deficiency. There are good looking girls there and I suspect that talking to any of them woud be a disappointment akin to Blair not finding his WoMD.
10. I'm not even going to start on what passes for drinks in there.
11. And the fucking DJs! These are the twilight donkeys without a speil good enough for Hospital Radio. It is really not difficult to play three good tunes in a row! Or in an evening! Please just take your diseased left arm and stick it through a paper shredder along with your less than healthy HEAD.
12. Please all be a bad dream. Nobody, not even me, deserves to have been in that meat-sodden bandit hole of a place. Yes, The Gallery, I'm talking about you. In fact, if anyone fancies googlebombing the dank haven, please link to this post with the words "The Gallery, York".
13. And today could have been so promising.
I'll leave with another line from the great bard himself:
"There's a club if you'd like to go,
you could meet somebody who really loves you.
So you go and you stand on your own,
And you leave on your own,
And you go home and you cry and you want to die."
I didn't stand on my own, but might as well have done. And now I am going to go to bed and probably actually have a good old cry.
Reasons why I hate shitty Nightclubs:
1. You can't hear the people you'd like to speak to.
2. You can only hear the people you'd happily lock in a metal box and dump into Mt Vesuvius.
3. Every single person who enters the place is a retarded, low down piece of excrement, stupid sodding loser, what the fuck are you doing there? get a sodding clue, look at you, do you call those clothes you sadwit arse nose? And yes, that does include me.
4. And for the hell of it, that includes my friends.
5. Now onto the music. I have seriously been to funerals where I've enjoyed the music more than the utter beatshitsense they played tonight. At least you can sway to a good dirge.
6. For God's sake, take a step back and look at you.
7. I didn't go to the toilet, but if I did I expect it would have been Glastonbury standard.
8. The last time I was that bored was whilst invigilating at an exam. Seriously, I could have slept on my feet except for the pain in my eyes that seeing the other people nearby would have given me. Dancing like that is not going to pull girls you ridiculously coiffered handman of semolina-like shit. Get it to-fucking-gether.
9. I'm not against nightclubs - I know good ones are out there. The Leadmill, Sheffield. The Waterfront, Norwich. Etc. But I repeat: Everyone in there tonight has a brain deficiency. There are good looking girls there and I suspect that talking to any of them woud be a disappointment akin to Blair not finding his WoMD.
10. I'm not even going to start on what passes for drinks in there.
11. And the fucking DJs! These are the twilight donkeys without a speil good enough for Hospital Radio. It is really not difficult to play three good tunes in a row! Or in an evening! Please just take your diseased left arm and stick it through a paper shredder along with your less than healthy HEAD.
12. Please all be a bad dream. Nobody, not even me, deserves to have been in that meat-sodden bandit hole of a place. Yes, The Gallery, I'm talking about you. In fact, if anyone fancies googlebombing the dank haven, please link to this post with the words "The Gallery, York".
13. And today could have been so promising.
I'll leave with another line from the great bard himself:
"There's a club if you'd like to go,
you could meet somebody who really loves you.
So you go and you stand on your own,
And you leave on your own,
And you go home and you cry and you want to die."
I didn't stand on my own, but might as well have done. And now I am going to go to bed and probably actually have a good old cry.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Port
Sadly I was unable to manifest any more psychic abilities at The Swan last night, my star must have waned.
As a plus point for the day, we did win a bottle of Port (and yet more chocolates) at work, the final prizes in the Euro 2004 competitions. No idea what we are going to do with the Port now though, not the easiest thing to share round in the office. I do still have some plastic glasses in my drawer, left over from when I qualified 2 years ago, but they may be a bit big for Port - they are at least 1/2 a pint.
So I might try and raffle it off within the team, or maybe we could all go into the Memorial Gardens (if that's what it's called - its the one with the winos anyway) at lunchtime and drink it there, passing it between us in a brown paper bag. The other winos would think we were drinking cheap wine, or cider, but we would know that we were better than that: we'd be drinking Port. Favoured after dinner drink of late middle aged men.
I used to drink quite a lot of port at university, but mainly because the College Port was fairly cheap (and nice) and they'd also sometimes have some at formal dinners.
As a plus point for the day, we did win a bottle of Port (and yet more chocolates) at work, the final prizes in the Euro 2004 competitions. No idea what we are going to do with the Port now though, not the easiest thing to share round in the office. I do still have some plastic glasses in my drawer, left over from when I qualified 2 years ago, but they may be a bit big for Port - they are at least 1/2 a pint.
So I might try and raffle it off within the team, or maybe we could all go into the Memorial Gardens (if that's what it's called - its the one with the winos anyway) at lunchtime and drink it there, passing it between us in a brown paper bag. The other winos would think we were drinking cheap wine, or cider, but we would know that we were better than that: we'd be drinking Port. Favoured after dinner drink of late middle aged men.
I used to drink quite a lot of port at university, but mainly because the College Port was fairly cheap (and nice) and they'd also sometimes have some at formal dinners.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Local band seeks electricity
Monday night we went to a local pub (The Black Swan, one of the most haunted in York, allegedly) to see Drew's new band, Motu One, play a short acoustic set. Here's the man himself and a bassist on a stool.
Note the way that they appear to be playing in a medieval banqueting room, complete with tapestries. You can't see it in the photo, but there's a glass of mead down by the base of the mike stand. Have you ever had mead? I have. Didn't like it much.
The minstrels played maybe six songs, sounded pretty good to me.
During the band's previous incarnation (makes them sound like Spinal Tap...), I once went round the centre of York handing out flyers for a gig they were supporting at to bemused passers by. I don't think I was very good at it, but I'll try anything once! At the very least it's another one to add to my list of things I'm not very good at.
"Can I interest you in the flyer for the most excellent band 'Bull Moose Jackson Junior'?"
"Who?"
"'Bull Moose Jackson Junior' - They are a local band of some prodigous talents"
"Never heard of them"
"Then why not come along and witness this soon to be legendary performance?"
"Is it free?"
"No, it will cost you maybe four english pounds with this flyer, and there are some other bands on as well."
"Four pounds? Are you mad? Piss off!"
That's how I'd like to remember it anyway. In reality I think I just kind of waved the flyers in people's general direction and hoped they'd take one to make me go away.
Note the way that they appear to be playing in a medieval banqueting room, complete with tapestries. You can't see it in the photo, but there's a glass of mead down by the base of the mike stand. Have you ever had mead? I have. Didn't like it much.
The minstrels played maybe six songs, sounded pretty good to me.
During the band's previous incarnation (makes them sound like Spinal Tap...), I once went round the centre of York handing out flyers for a gig they were supporting at to bemused passers by. I don't think I was very good at it, but I'll try anything once! At the very least it's another one to add to my list of things I'm not very good at.
"Can I interest you in the flyer for the most excellent band 'Bull Moose Jackson Junior'?"
"Who?"
"'Bull Moose Jackson Junior' - They are a local band of some prodigous talents"
"Never heard of them"
"Then why not come along and witness this soon to be legendary performance?"
"Is it free?"
"No, it will cost you maybe four english pounds with this flyer, and there are some other bands on as well."
"Four pounds? Are you mad? Piss off!"
That's how I'd like to remember it anyway. In reality I think I just kind of waved the flyers in people's general direction and hoped they'd take one to make me go away.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
F.A.Busted
Whilst we're on the subject of Busted, I've just heard the brand new song that they've done for the Thunderbirds movie. It starts with a guitar and drums intro riffing on the original theme tune. And then changes into a song that sounds exactly like every other Busted song they've ever done.
Sample lyric:
"It always looks so cool
When spaceships come out of the pool"
Whilst that is a sentiment I won't disagree with, it seems appropriate that a film starring people that used to be puppets is soundtracked by a band of puppets that used to be people.
Sample lyric:
"It always looks so cool
When spaceships come out of the pool"
Whilst that is a sentiment I won't disagree with, it seems appropriate that a film starring people that used to be puppets is soundtracked by a band of puppets that used to be people.
Monday, July 05, 2004
Or maybe a nice blue plaque
At work today I was congratulated on "innovative use of Lego in a presentation" (on "Sources and Uses of Capital in a Life Company", fact fans). Yeah, yeah, enough words. Give me more money instead. Or chocolate. Or a cushion with my name on it.
The songs that should have been...
The great Morrissey never quite wrote the following:
Some beds are wetter than others,
Some beds are wetter than others,
Some beds' covers are wetter than other beds' covers.
If song writing is a process of channeling nascent songs from the ether through your head, onto a sheet of parchment, then I feel sure that this is what he was aiming at for the final track on The Queen is Dead. Not some nonsense about girls and their mothers. I think, like Coleridge, he must have been distracted part way through the creative process. Maybe Charlie from Busted could incorporate the above into their next album. I won't charge (Moz might though)! Does Charlie actually write their songs? Frankly (Mr Shankly), who cares!
My covers are very wet at the moment due to being in the washing machine. I'm going to put some dry ones on in a short while though.
Some beds are wetter than others,
Some beds are wetter than others,
Some beds' covers are wetter than other beds' covers.
If song writing is a process of channeling nascent songs from the ether through your head, onto a sheet of parchment, then I feel sure that this is what he was aiming at for the final track on The Queen is Dead. Not some nonsense about girls and their mothers. I think, like Coleridge, he must have been distracted part way through the creative process. Maybe Charlie from Busted could incorporate the above into their next album. I won't charge (Moz might though)! Does Charlie actually write their songs? Frankly (Mr Shankly), who cares!
My covers are very wet at the moment due to being in the washing machine. I'm going to put some dry ones on in a short while though.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
The lottery is a lottery
Because I stupidly wrote this on Saturday, I found myself being forced into a position where I had to buy a lottery ticket. I know that it's basically a tax on the stupid and I know that the odds of winning a pound are something like ten billion to one. However, because I'd put some numbers up there, I was not going to run the risk that I'd get it right and lose out on millions of pounds - you can almost guarantee that the sure way to make the numbers I'd chosen come up was to not buy a ticket.
In the old days, buying a lottery ticket involved going to a shop, making sure it was a shop that sold lottery tickets (rather than one that sold cheese, pets or "specialist materials"), filling in the slip and paying the shopkeeper a pound. Then you wait for the draw, and win lots of money. Now that we are in a modern age, this is all unnecessary and you can just buy them online, here. And this is what I did.
Several unexpected problems were encountered though. Firstly, the site only seems to work properly with IE and Netscape. It doesn't seem to like Firefox, Camino, Safari or Mozilla. Which is a bit strange, as Netscape is based on Gecko, like the three Mozilla products (I think). I generally refuse to use IE due to it being sh*t (and also not having tabbed browsing), so I've had to download a copy of Netscape (like I really need another browser on my system...) and have used that instead (I did actually use IE yesterday when I bought the ticket, but that just reminded me that it is sh*t).
So once I had a working browser, I get to problem 2. You can't just buy a single ticket, instead you have to credit an account with a minimum of £5, from which you then buy your tickets. I can afford £5, but it was more than I had expected to fork out. After I'd bought my ticket, my account still had £4 in, but I didn't really want to buy any more tickets due to the lottery being the aforementioned tax on the stupid etc... I then spotted that you can also play instant win scratchcard games online. Whooh! I'll soon get rid of my money now. Yes indeed.
First game... based on Monopoly. And I won! I won £1! Clearly the only sensible thing to do then is reinvest the pound in a new game. Which I did and lost it. And the next one too. And the final two earlier this afternoon. So four pounds gone gone gone forever. But what about the actual lottery draw I'd entered?
Predictably I won nothing. Matched one number though (better than I've tended to do in the past!).
Unrelatedly: Last night I won an argument on The Faraway Tree and lost one on The Railway Children. Overall Kids Literature Argumental Rating (KLAR): Neutral.
In the old days, buying a lottery ticket involved going to a shop, making sure it was a shop that sold lottery tickets (rather than one that sold cheese, pets or "specialist materials"), filling in the slip and paying the shopkeeper a pound. Then you wait for the draw, and win lots of money. Now that we are in a modern age, this is all unnecessary and you can just buy them online, here. And this is what I did.
Several unexpected problems were encountered though. Firstly, the site only seems to work properly with IE and Netscape. It doesn't seem to like Firefox, Camino, Safari or Mozilla. Which is a bit strange, as Netscape is based on Gecko, like the three Mozilla products (I think). I generally refuse to use IE due to it being sh*t (and also not having tabbed browsing), so I've had to download a copy of Netscape (like I really need another browser on my system...) and have used that instead (I did actually use IE yesterday when I bought the ticket, but that just reminded me that it is sh*t).
So once I had a working browser, I get to problem 2. You can't just buy a single ticket, instead you have to credit an account with a minimum of £5, from which you then buy your tickets. I can afford £5, but it was more than I had expected to fork out. After I'd bought my ticket, my account still had £4 in, but I didn't really want to buy any more tickets due to the lottery being the aforementioned tax on the stupid etc... I then spotted that you can also play instant win scratchcard games online. Whooh! I'll soon get rid of my money now. Yes indeed.
First game... based on Monopoly. And I won! I won £1! Clearly the only sensible thing to do then is reinvest the pound in a new game. Which I did and lost it. And the next one too. And the final two earlier this afternoon. So four pounds gone gone gone forever. But what about the actual lottery draw I'd entered?
Predictably I won nothing. Matched one number though (better than I've tended to do in the past!).
Unrelatedly: Last night I won an argument on The Faraway Tree and lost one on The Railway Children. Overall Kids Literature Argumental Rating (KLAR): Neutral.
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Shatner is still singing
What is the strangest news I have heard today? I think it is that William Shatner is putting out a new album (which is clearly what the world has been waiting for) which will feature a duet between Shatner and Joe Jackson. They are covering Pulp's classic "common people". For more info see here.
You really can't just make this stuff up...
You really can't just make this stuff up...
FInal Toast News
I'd better make this the last toast post. I know that you've all been eager to see some photos of the toast that I make. So I've gone one better. Here you will find photos of not just the toast, but also the toast being cooked (toasted!) in the toaster itself.
Here's the first one:
Note the way that the red switch is set to its "2" setting. This is because I was cooking (toasting!) two slices of bread. Both for me.
Then here are the finished toasts:
I have smeared marmalade over them because its nice. I seem to have used a plate that is slightly too small - it was big enough the first time as I only had one slice then. But next time I have two slices, I may need to conduct a platter upgrade.
Here's the first one:
Note the way that the red switch is set to its "2" setting. This is because I was cooking (toasting!) two slices of bread. Both for me.
Then here are the finished toasts:
I have smeared marmalade over them because its nice. I seem to have used a plate that is slightly too small - it was big enough the first time as I only had one slice then. But next time I have two slices, I may need to conduct a platter upgrade.
Friday, July 02, 2004
How I am and amn't using my time this morning
What I should be doing now but amn't: Finalising a presentation that I'm giving to the marketing department at lunchtime today (key thing: Keep it simple for them).
What I shouldn't be doing now but am: Watching last night's Big Brother and writing this.
What I shouldn't be doing now but am: Watching last night's Big Brother and writing this.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Toast update
Today I purchased the ingredients I needed to make toast:
1 x Loaf Hovis Country Grain
1 x Golden Shred Chunky Orange Marmalade
How exciting! I cooked the bread in the toaster. Makes great toast! Didn't want to eat too much though, to avoid spoiling my tea later, so I only had a single slice. Maybe later I'll post a picture of some toast that I made.
1 x Loaf Hovis Country Grain
1 x Golden Shred Chunky Orange Marmalade
How exciting! I cooked the bread in the toaster. Makes great toast! Didn't want to eat too much though, to avoid spoiling my tea later, so I only had a single slice. Maybe later I'll post a picture of some toast that I made.
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